The Dedicated, final part of Chp 2

continued…

“I believe they will. Our recent reports have been encouraging, and our scout reports say that they are on the verge of a discovery that might allow them to detect our quantum communications net. If that happens, they will have absolute proof that they are not alone in the universe. At that time, we will contact them.”

Jannelle sighed and said, “That would be so exciting for both our peoples. There hasn’t been a first contact mission since our grandparents’ time. It would be so wonderful to visit a new species and welcome them to our alliance.”

Jared simply nodded; he felt the same as she. Jannelle continued to read, and only stopped one more time with a question. Jared clarified for her, and she moved on to finish. When she did, she looked at Jared for his reaction.

“Very good,” he said to her. “You have a good grasp of what I want. I feel better about leaving you to the negotiations now. I’ll be leaving tomorrow after our outing with the ambassadors. Merrick will be going with me, because he knows as much about the situation as I do. I don’t know how long it will take to resolve matters, but I hope not long. I have requested that Ambassador Ye’ana remain here with you. I trust her completely, and she will be a great help to you. She has agreed, and after the treaty negotiations are finished, Ambassador T’rar will move on to their next assignment alone. Do you feel comfortable with this arrangement?”

Jannelle knew that he didn’t care anything about her personal comfort, only in her ability to successfully be in control while he was away. “Of course,” she replied. “Ambassador Ye’ana helped my mother after my father’s death. My training for these situations is impeccable. I have no doubts on my ability.”

Jared narrowed his eyes slightly at the mention of her father’s death, and his face grew cold. He moved away from her, as if any close contact with her was distasteful. “Whatever the reasons for your confidence, be sure that it is not mere vanity. I have created a stable empire from the ruins of civil war. I will never lose that again.” Abruptly changing the subject, he spoke to her from across the room. “You have not forgotten that you will be staying in my rooms tonight, have you?”

Jannelle knew the reminder was purposely done to distress her, and she was afraid that he would make the night difficult for her. He never hurt her, not really, but sometimes he came close. Something had upset Jared, and she had a feeling he would be taking his anger out on her. Something as simple as mentioning her father wasn’t the catalyst, she was certain. Her mouth was dry from apprehension, so she swallowed before she spoke.

“I haven’t forgotten, my lord. I’ve already dismissed my maid for the evening. I believe that she has taken some of my belongings to your chambers already. Would you like for me to bring some fruit and wine when we retire?”

He dismissed her suggestion with a wave of his hand. “If you wish. You know I don’t car for that sort of thing late at night. But perhaps some Rezin brandy.”

“As you wish, my lord.” Jannelle felt a knot of fear growing in her stomach. She hoped she would be able to make it through their dinner with this hanging over her head. Their nights together had been coming with more frequency lately. Jared realized that three years into their marriage, it was time for them to conceive an heir. Jannelle knew that Jared had given up his mistress upon entrance into their marriage. It was only another reason for his resentment toward her. None of it was her fault, but Jared had no other outlet for his anger over so many things that she reminded him of. So, Jannelle became the embodiment of it all, and although she tried to change his feelings, she knew that only time could heal the wounds caused by the civil war. They weren’t the only two still trying to rebuild their lives. But the empire had reunited almost wholly. A child from the two of them, families from separate sides of the civil war, would be the final bond.

So it was with the utmost apprehension that Jannelle made a simple request of her husband. She stood and walked to stand before him, and she felt herself shaking, but couldn’t stop herself. She spoke haltingly. “I’d prefer not to stay all night. May I return to my own rooms later tonight?”

Jared’s eyes widened slightly, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Jannelle knew she had pushed him too far, but it was too late. He hated to be reminded that she didn’t like his presence any more than he did hers.

“What did you say?” he asked.

He was going to toy with her, Jannelle realized. “May I please return to my rooms, my lord?”

“Why would you want to do that? Don’t you long to spend a night in your husband’s arms?” His voice was like ice.

She simply stood there, tears beginning to sting her eyes, and said nothing. She hated the way they were with each other. She knew that no matter what her reply was, Jared would be cruel with his words.

“Well, my dear, isn’t that your fondest desire?” He didn’t smile.

Jannelle shook her head sharply, not trusting her voice but unable to hold back her words. “Of course not, no more than it is yours.” She regretted it as soon as the words left her mouth.

Suddenly Jared slapped her, leaving her cheek red and stinging. She put her hand to her face in shock and stared at him. He’d never done that before.

“You’re right, it’s not mine either. Not even close. Don’t worry. I’ll be working all night after our attempt to conceive an heir for our wonderful empire. You won’t have to bear my presence after that, nor I yours. Now leave me. And take that copy with you to study before dinner,” he said, adding the last almost as an afterthought.

As she fled the room with the manuscript in her hand, tears flowed down her face. Jared walked to the communication console set in the far wall of his office, trying to push her from his mind as he contacted his most trusted associate, Merrick Talmor, to begin preparations for their journey the next day. When she inevitably entered his thoughts again, he pushed those thoughts away roughly, and continued his work. He reminded himself that Jannelle was simply an irritation, something to bear and dealt with when necessary. It angered him that she had caused him to put his hands on her. Why did she always drive him to such extremes of emotion? One day he might be able to tolerate her, but for now the past was too fresh in his memory.

Jannelle burst through the double doors into her bedroom and slammed the heavy doors shut behind her. She threw the manuscript to the floor and ran to her balcony. She only hoped that no one had witnessed her tear-filled flight to her chambers. The steamy air from outside battled with the cooler air inside, and she stood on the threshold, seething inside. She berated herself thoroughly for baiting Jared, knowing it would upset him. The nights she stayed in his chambers were sleepless ones for her, and she knew the day ahead would be a long one. It was the best time of her cycle right now to conceive a child, and Jared knew this as well as she did. So as she stood on her balcony, she tried to convince herself that it was her duty to her husband and the empire they ruled, but she still hated the thought. Even though Jared could be tender with her at times, she knew it wasn’t because he loved her, and that broke her heart. She had wanted that so much when they were married. His love had never been for her, however, and she had finally begun to believe it never would be. She shook her head and sighed, and moved back into her cool chambers.

Once inside, she felt her stomach begin to revolt against all the day’s events. She sat on the edge of her bed until the feeling passed. She had been feeling this way off and on for a few days, and she hoped she wasn’t coming down with anything at this most inopportune time. She called downstairs on the communicator in her room and asked for some cool fruit juice and crackers. That usually settled her stomach down, and she didn’t want to wander around the palace with her face still red from Jared’s slap.

Jannelle looked to the floor and saw the treaty manuscript lying there. With another sigh, she got up and picked it up. As she bent over, she experienced a small wave of dizziness. She sat down quickly, and it passed just that fast. As Jannelle thought about it, she realized that she really hadn’t had anything substantial to eat all day, only a glass of juice earlier when she had been reading to the sick child.

“Maybe I’ve caught what she had,” she muttered to herself. She reached for the manuscript again, more cautiously this time. Reading would settle her chaotic thoughts.

There was a soft knock at the door a few minutes later, and she called out, “Come in.”

It was a servant from the kitchen, carrying a tray with a lot more than juice and crackers. The young girl explained with a smile when she say Jannelle’s expression. “Cook says you should have more than crackers, because you’ve looked thin and pale lately. He knows you probably won’t eat much during dinner tonight, so he insists that you eat it all, and send an empty tray back to him,” and she stressed the word empty.

Jannelle’s mood brightened somewhat as she took the heavy tray from the girl and placed it on the nearby table. Removing the cloth covering everything, Jannelle smiled. The tray held crusty bread, still warm from the oven, soft and hard cheeses, fruit spread, and a bowl of sweet, chewy legumes from an eastern continent that she loved so much. She sat in her favorite chair, where she could see out the wide window, and nodded her head at the girl with another smile.

“Thank you. You may inform the cook that I will do my best on this wonderful snack.”

The servant gave her a quick curtsy and left the room. Jannelle shook her head at the amount of food on the tray. The one thing that really appealed to her was the frost carafe of fruit juice and goblet that sat beside it.

She filled the goblet and took a long drink. The cool, delicious liquid soothed her dry mouth and churning stomach. She felt better after a moment, and gave second thought to the food on the tray. She glanced at her clock and saw that dinner was still three hours away, and decided to sample the fare. It was delicious, and she discovered that she was hungrier than she had thought. She retrieved the manuscript for the second time, and went back to her seat.

She glanced through the treaty again, which was easier without her husband standing over her shoulder. His bold, precise handwriting filled every margin, and it so represented the man.

Jannelle had a lot of respect for all that he had accomplished over the past eight years of peace. Almost all damage caused by the war had been repaired, and since their people had longed for peace so long, the transition back to a unified empire had been almost easy. Almost. Of course there were still problems; that was to be expected. But Jared seemed to be able to handle them all. He was a good, steadfast ruler, the kind their people needed. They loved him for the way he was.

If only they knew how he felt about me, Jannelle thought to herself. “But that really isn’t the point, is it?” she said out loud. So she put those thoughts aside and set herself to studying the treaty, and worked on the food on her tray.